Post-traumatic syndrome

Listening to: Cut Chemist - The Garden (2006 The Audience's Listening)

Right now, I feel: Tired

October is not my month. I just feel so stressed with everything happened the whole month. I don't want to recall the days that passed. I just want to move on. I can't wait for November.

I just want to share what I made just a few minutes ago. Something I did on the spot.

Post-traumatic syndrome

Tired and weary
I seek for something to make me free
Scared and trembling
I keep on running away from such pain
It brings me misery
Too much agony has consumed me

As time goes by
I can't stand the anxiety
The fear of getting hurt again
Everyday feels like it is the very day
That the world went away

I feel broken
I cannot be fixed
I cannot be healed
I feel numb
I felt something has struck me
Yet nothing has inflicted me to feel it
Everywhere I go
Paranoia runs through my veins

Everyday seems to be of a past
Like a ghost that haunts me
Craving for my soul
To torture it for eternity
I long for my sanity
I search for something I cannot attain
My sanctuary to call my own

Grrrrrrrr!!!!!!

Listening to: Slapshock - Anino Mo (2002 Project 11-41)

Right now, I feel: Furious!

Isang tanong lang. Bakit ang unfair unfair ninyo ha? Ang tagal tagal kong nanahimik at nag tiis tapos ganito na lang ang trato pag dating sa akin. Napaka unfair ninyo yun lang!

Music is my food for the soul #3

Listening to: silverfilter - In a Manger (2009 Devotion)

Right now, I feel: Exhausted

(Note this post was edited last October 15, 2009. I was sleepy last night that my thoughts became in-cohesive.)

Yesterday, at 9 pm. I went to Route 196 for the first time. I was there for silverfilter's album launch. It was my first time to see him play live and my first time to be able to get an album of his.

I still remember the gig last night. It was a blast though I wasn't able to finish the whole show. I was sleepy since I was up since 6 am yesterday. I was so excited and happy to be in the album launch.

Silverfilter's real name is Cyril. I have heard of him before since a lot of people were clamoring about his 1st album (which is an EP) titled "In the Mean Time". It was 4 years back that I became more in love with electronica. Especially the local electronica artist.

I have been following him around his My Space account and now his Twitter. I love the remixes he did on Wolfmann's Diner and Bagetsafonik's Travelouge album. The tracks he made on the said albums are the first time I heard of his music.

He's more into the techno, house and dance side of electronica. Though he has this chill-out and Nu-skool breaks influences in him. I have been clamoring for his albums but too bad, I can't find all of it. Cy, please re-issue your albums. Kahit para sa akin lang. =)

It was really nice meeting this guy. I was able to buy his new album plus I got a shirt which is really cool! (Though it didn't fit, I know I'll be able to wear it one day!) I was able to get a freebie too! His compilation of his remixes he did for different artist and bands! It is titled "The Interpreter".

He had his album launch dedicated to the victims of Ondoy. All of his earnings will go to the said people. It was really so nice of him to do that. Wala talaga siyang kikitain dun. Lugi na nga siya sa gasolina pa lang ng kotse niya. But then he didn't hesitated to do such act. It is the reason why I went to his album launch. Just to join and support his cause. The great music and the album is just a bonus anyways. And meeting him? Well, that's the prize I get for coming that night.

He had other artist perform for his event. As he said, "I want all untapped artist have an exposure." It was really a great idea. More exposure means more chance to hone their music skills. I love this one artist (though I forgot his name) that uses voices coming from radio news anchors and other stuff, then he'll add some blips and other electronic effects in it. It feels like I am on a plane. The hip-hop artist NothingElse also preformed. He came from the hip-hop collective called A.M.P.O.N.

When it was silverfilter's turn to perform, I left my table and stood up as I watched him. He played some remixes from his new album. It is really great to meet and see this man perform. I was really in the mood to dance but my body was too weak and sleepy.

Cy, thanks a lot for the great night. Bitin ako pero I'll see you again in one of your gigs. God bless us for musicians like you!

Something to sing along (Music is my food for the soul #2)

Listening to: Nine Days - If I Am (2000 The Madding Crowd)

Right now, I feel: Mad

Right now I am not in the mood. It has been days, the reason I wasn't able to update my blog. Something is not right. I just wish I can see and hear everything I want. Just for the sake to have everything be all right. Is it my fault? Am I too cautious with everything? Am I over protective. Am I possessive? I am not sure. But I wish I know. Here is something I am singing for the nth time. You can listen to it here.

If I Am by Nine Days.

So you're standing on a ledge,
It looks like you might fall
So far down, or maybe you were thinking about jumping
And you could have it all,
If you learned a little patience
For though I cannot fly,
I'm not content to crawl
To give me a little credit,
Have in me a little faith
I wanna be with you forever,
If tomorrow's not too late
But it's always too late when you've got nothing,
So you say
And you should never let the sun set on tomorrow,
Before the sun rises today

If I am,
Another waste of everything you've dreamed of, I will let you down
If I am,
Only here to watch you as you suffer, I will let you down

So you're walking on the edge,
And you wait your turn to fall
But you're so far gone, that you don't see the hands up held to catch you
And you could find the fault,
In the heart that you've been handed
But though you cannot fly,
You're not content to crawl
And it's always too late when you've got nothing,
So you say
But you should never let the sunset on tomorrow,
Before the sun rises

If I am,
Another waste of everything you hope for, I will let you down
If I am,
Only here to watch you as you suffer, I will let you down...

So you're standing on a ledge,
It looks like you might fall...

If I am,
Another waste of everything you've dreamed of, I will let you down
If I am,
Only here to watch you as you suffer, I will let you down

The answers we find are never what we had in mind,
So we make it up as we go along
You don't talk of dreams, I won't mention tomorrow
We won't make those promises that we can't keep

I will never leave you
I will not let you down
I will never leave you
I will not let you down...

Good morning!

Listening to: The Fray - You Found Me (2009 The Fray)

Right now, I feel: Glad

Good morning! I am back on a blog roll here! I woke up around 5 am and it is the 3rd time in 5 days that I woke up early and I woke up in the morning! I wish I can really do this, I mean be a morning person since I really used in staying up late till dawn. Thanks for the 6 years of being in the call center industry. I just had a great breakfast. A neck part of chicken, some bacons and egg with coffee to start my day. After that, a cigarette and watching some TV, I am ready to face the world.

I got a lot of things to do today. For starters I am now re-sizing my MP3 collections to a lower bit rate. Though they say higher bit rate sounds better, I prefer having it in a normal rate of 128kbps to save space. Though I have 500 gigabytes of hard drive, I want to save space so I can store my whole collection.

Here are some other things I have to do the whole day:
- Pay my brother's tuition
- Look and buy a decent wireless router
- Bring the car to the car wash
- Set up the wireless network at home and make it secure
- Arrange my photos to different folders
- Farmville mode! =)
- Gym work out

Hopefully I can finish updating my photos and my MP3 collection too as it will really be a tedious task.

How many MP3s? I have 66 artist with a hundred plus of albums so that more or less 1,500 tracks.

Well, I better get off going now and do all the task for today.

The day the world went away. A post Ondoy special (Halo-Halo espesyal #12)

Listening to: Shiny Toy Guns - You are the One (2006 We Are Pilots)

Right now, I feel: Relieved

First of all, I am so sorry if I was on a MIA here on my blog. I was really busy with lots of things. After what happened to our country, I skipped blogging just for me to be updated.

It has been a week since Ondoy made a mark in our country. All emotions are mixed during the whole week. I remember having a good sleep on September 25 then waking up the next day in as I thought will be a sunny afternoon, since it was raining the whole night. But then I was surprised that it just continued to rain. I began watching the TV for update and I was surprised that almost the whole metro was flooded. The first thing I spotted on TV was Mother Ingacia Street which was like 10 minutes away from my place. It was flooded neck high! I was like really surprised! I started to check my facebook and twitter. Instead of the normal day to day activities I was expecting from people, everyone was posting updates about the storm. Then I was alarmed when the band Up Dharma Down posted on their twitter and facebook that Provident Village in Marikina was flooded neck high and that their vocalist Armi Millare was stuck in their house. People started to post the trunk lines for PAG-ASA and the National Disaster Coordinating Council (NDCC). Everyone was doing their share. Everyone was alarmed as more people get stranded and worst, places that aren't usually flooded was affected already with flood as high as 30 feet!

I started to look for updates from any source I can get. From internet, TV and radio. I was even re-posting tweets and updates from my friends in twitter and facebook. For the purpose of getting those information go around other people. For the first time in my entire life, I began to give a damn on what's happening around me. Instead of whining how I was stuck in my house with out doing nothing, and thinking how luck I was as my whole family was not even affected by a flood at all. I decided to help everyone. As I sit facing my laptop, I started to post and re-post information that can be passed around. I felt compelled to help as Ondoy was sending a message to everyone. "Right back at ya!" If typhoons can speak, Ondoy will definitely say this to us. Nobody is exempted to nature's wrath. It doesn't give a shit if you're rich, you'll really feel his wrath.

I keep on re-posting info on my twitter and facebook for the rest of Saturday night until dawn. Resuming it by Sunday afternoon till the dawn again. Monday night, my sister was buying water for my niece and I was listening to Jam 88.3 and a listener asked about the contact number for the Philippine National Red Cross (PNRC) in Quezon City. They are looking for volunteers at that time. I didn't get the number to contact PNRC, I told my sister that I will go there and see what I can do to help. I wasn't thinking anything at that time. It just came naturally to my mind. It seems like my instinct was telling me that night to help and so I did.

I went to PNRC in Quezon City Hall which was like a 10 minute walk from my place. I went there and saw people there waiting. I was given instructions on what to do. We'll go to the Main PNCR in Port Area, Manila to repack the relief goods. We arrived there like 1 am and ended around 6 am.

It was a great feeling to be able to help. It's the least I can do to give something to the people that got really affected by the typhoon.

The rest of the week was more on follow ups on what happened around the metro. I still can't believe that the eastern part of the metro was really affected. Marikina, Rizal and Pasig are the ones really hit hard by Ondoy.

But what I hate about the situation is that politicians takes a slow response on the calamity. It was more of private sectors starting to help. From schools, TV networks and fast food chains, everyone is helping. But the trapos are nowhere to be found. There are even pictures of politicians giving out food with their name on it. Doing the trapo moves to everyone, these politicians really makes me puke and spit it out on their faces. I just wish I can have a chance to do that to them. It will be one of the best moments in my life.

On the brighter side of life, people are helping out the whole week. From stars and TV networks which I really give my kudos for. They really give way to some of their shows to give us updates on what they need as donations and what's the development of other areas that were really affected by Ondoy.

It was a real shocker for everyone as how devastating Ondoy did to us. Good thing that Pepeng, though it scared the shit out of us, spared our country. Though Pepeng is wreaking havoc on the northern part of Luzon, I don't see any alarming incident that's going on there. I just hope and pray that everything will be ok, after such big storms.

I can't wait for the sun to come up again and shine upon us as we hope for a new tomorrow.