Baby Boy version 1.1

I'm back again to my personal blog! I'm just done updating my Art Blog. Now it's time to go back to my personal blog to update, and also to record what's been going on to my so called "great" life. I've publish my long list of May posts. (More to come) And I have no idea if I'm gonna update and publish my June and July (The happiest and saddest month in my life so far) posts since I have to do edit the whole drafts due to some unavoidable circumstances. Yes, a lot of things had happened. Good times, the bad, and the worst. Am I to blame? Partly yes, but still, this is me. And part of me is to do some journal and blogging. My journal is nothing compared to The Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter series, since mine is already in book 8 and book 9 is on the process. I even put my poems to a separate journal so it'll be organized. I feel so down right now, so fucked up. But as I said to one of my poems, I have to embrace the reality of life as a bittersweet. I need to stand up again. Never show pain, as I must show it only to myself. I don't need sympathy, I'm not even selling my drama. But some people I just felt like I stepped into them and made them so miserable that they are like shattered glass that can't be brought back to pieces. Even if they will be put back together, scars will be there. Wounds may be healed but the scars of torment will stay in me and to them forever. I do apologize for whatsoever reasons had happened. But then no compromise has been made. And such on the spot decisions are blinded with anger. So I can't argue with that. I never felt freedom, though yes, I am free now. But not the absolute freedom that I felt before. Things are need to be cleared and demand an explanation. But then again, who Am I to demand? My rights, no my privilege are already taken away. Now all I have to do is to stand up again and face the fact that for now, I'm all alone again. No one to share the moments, no one to share the joy, the suffering, the hurt, the excitement, and the achievements that I'm achieving right now with my photos and poems. Am I in vain? No, absolutely not. But this will be my last post where all the pains, frustrations, questions, and sufferings inside me will be shown. I have to let go of my old self where I gave up everything and end up with nothing. Where I keep on thinking but no one ever thinks of me. I don't care if people will judge me for who I am, and for what I've done. I'm willing to face the consequences of my decisions. But listen to me: "This is me and no one will ever change that! Am I ranting? Yes I am.And I do appreciate the people who had and who keeps on withstanding my rants and raves. I now understand that friends will be there for you, whoever you are, as long as they understand and know who you really are. Did I made a wrong move in my life? No, since I let these things happen. But then, my impulsiveness takes into action 80% of the time, so sometimes I act and I think after the action is done. So people hear me: This is me, whatever I do and write on this blog, I write in in my journal in a more excruciating detail. And with this kind of persona in me, no one can change that. Live with it or just understand, no respect me on my blogging and journal making side of me. As of now, I'll be doing a total make over of my personal blog. Some drafts need to be edited. Some details need to be removed. For the sake of moving on and to avoid some violent situations in the not so near future. I do welcome again myself to the realm of blogging. Give me the respect that what you think is due to me. But I beg you not to abuse the freedom I gave. Since this blog itself was the witness to my 2 months of blissful torments and sufferings. The same blog that made me free but left me shattered and unwilling to be put back again. I'll be leaving the shattered me on the ground. Wait for the gust of wind to blow it away. As I'll be having a new identity, no a new disposition in life. A more carefree, and transparent me. I'll keep on ranting till my heart's desire. But I will never step over other people's life, just to put it in misery. To everyone, my deepest apology for not to updating my blog. Certain things had happened that it left me immobile for a while and focused instead on my art blog just to let out the angst. This will be all for now. See you tomorrow, and enjoy the rest of your week. For me, back to the drawing board, and plan to redo myself.