Enemies of June

Listening to: Fort Minor - Where'd You Go (2005 The Rising Tide)
Right now, I feel: Nostalgic, Depressed.

I don't know where to start. As everyone had been through this kind of situation. Where one has to be nostalgic for a while to find answers as to why things are happening the way they are. The way we won't be able to understand and as to why things won't happen the way we want it to be. It is not destiny or fate that shapes us who we will be or where we want to be. But it is ourselves. Yes, us; We do the dirty works for ourselves as where we wanna be, who we wanna be and how we will be in the future. But as the saying goes, change is so fucking inevitable. There are certain situations where we can't hold of our own fate, our own destiny as to where it will lead us. I've been through this before. Luckily, I have escaped each and everyone of them. I guess it is just like a busted gramophone, where things just keep on repeating all by itself. I experienced things that gives me a splitting headache time and time again. But this time, I thought it will be the same things that I can go by. But I was wrong, so dead wrong that I thought of, as usual, giving up and just let myself be damned with how life can be so vomitting. Situations I went through before but somehow had been different in a way that it was harder than before. Just like the Super Mario brothers video game where you get to go to every enemies and different worlds over and over again but a lot more difficult as you move on. A lot of events took place, good and bad. The worst ones and the best. But so far, I seem to be lost. I was in the same place where I started. I might not be even making sense here right now. But the thoughts are passing by my mind faster than the speed of light. Almost beating Einstein's theory of relativity. Like I have to let these things out and somehow, at least find a way to shut my brain up. At least stop my nuerons from working. I'm currently experiencing hardships right now. Like I wanna stop EVERYTHING I do for a while and focus on things that need to be solved. I'm currently experiencing confusion, on as to how should I face my fears and how should I address them. I even have fears on how I will face my friends, my colleagues, or even how can I support my family at the times they need me most; When after all, I'm at my deepest shit. I hope I can let this one pass. Just be back to normal. I don't know how long I can go being like this. I just hope this will end and I can at least smile again. Hopefully.....