Dug out from the grave.

Listening to: Nine Inch Nails - Burn (1994 Music from and Inspired by Natural Born Killers)

Right now, I feel:Calmed

I was reading my old blog from my Friendster profile. It was the time when I was in the US. I decided to re-write my post, edit it and put some new ideas into it. Then I decided to post it here for you to see. You can read the original post here.

"Life is like a double edge sword. You will get hurt whatever side of the blade hits you."

And I totally agree with this quote. I don’t know where I get this quote (maybe from one of the episodes of the anime Samurai X), but it doesn’t matter. As time goes by and boredom begins to to bombard itself in me, I decided to go out with my younger brother and do some internet surfing. I am completing my music play list based on the Nine Inch Nails' set lit (don't blame me if I am so into that event) and suddenly this post got my attention. And I asked myself, "Are we really willing to take a risk and is it avoidable? For us not to get hurt?" As I think about it, it exist everywhere we go. Risk will be always with us. From the moment we woke up, to our way to work or school, and even in relationships. I believe there is no such thing as perfect, thus a perfect relationship never exist. Heck! Even our relationship with God is not even perfect! (should I go on with this one?) I’m in a relationship, a relationship that I took and faced many risked. It is hard to face such risk and it scares the shit out of me too. Sometimes it makes me paranoid. But as long as I trust her and I know deep in me, I’m not doing anything wrong here. Everything will just work out fine. But anything can happen, from the simplest arguments over the phone to the worst scenario where I got mugged here or maybe have another one (same on her too). I just make sure that I am aware of my environment that I am into and hope that she is the same as to her. Like I said; Trust, honest, and loyalty should be the major factors that will affect ones relationship to work out fine. The rest are just sub-factors to make it through or solidify it. But it is always an idea only. We only see this in our own ideal world and such euphoric situations are unattainable. Being in a relationship in any form is hard, and really risky. The fact that we now have different lives - from our lifestyle, meaning we don’t see each other, we just hear our voices can be risky for us. If I abused this type of freedom I’m experiencing right now, I might loose her. Another risk is the place I live. The apartment I'm staying now is in front of a hang out of fraternity chapter. And a couple of walks is Kalayaan avenue where a squatter's area is located. There’s a lot of risk, that’s the bottom line. From the mere fact that some of it are real facts, and some maybe just paranoia - it is still a risk that everyone will face. Yeah, maybe I’m getting the Homer Simpson type where almost all the insane and out of this world ideas are crossing to my mind, it is still considered a risk for me. So do I really have the balls to go on? To continue with life as I am aware of risks that engulfs me? The answer will be both no and yes. No, because once you thought of the risk you are facing, it’ll scare the shit out of you that it’ll make you go crazy and do something stupid. Stupid meaning trying to avoid it. For me, avoiding such risk will end up in another risk. A good example will be, being late. You’ll tell the person you’ll gonna meet sorry and make white lies, like EDSA is really congested with crazy ass drivers. As you do this again and again plus the excuses, that person will loose trust in you, and she’ll get mad and the worst thing will be not seeing you again. Rather than telling the real reason you got late, tell them your sorry and it wont happen again, and take the risk of the person getting so pissed at you for just only a day. I will also say yes because it is part of our lives, without it we won't make mistakes and we won't learn. For me, as I realized, taking risk and making a mistake is the biggest source of wisdom and knowledge. So I already did answer the question. "We can’t avoid taking risk. But we can be prepared for it" So what should we do? We should brave enough to face that fear, and the bold enough to take that risk, we will be a better individual. I’m not saying that it’ll make us a better that we will be wiser and such, but we will have a better view of life, and the understanding why such like risky situations exist. As everyone of us boldly say "That’s a risk I’m willing to take." And every decision I made maybe won’t do me any good, or maybe it’ll just make me miserable or be in a heap of trouble. But that’s a risk I’m willing to take.