Starbucks Session series 4

Part 4 of 8. I just love remembering that day doing on the spot poems. Such emotions I let go inside of me

My Eyes Burn

My eyes burn
With every photograph
Every picture of you engulfs me in flames
I cried my heart out
Please hear me out
But my plea falls on your deaf ears

Take it all away
Don't lead me back to you
Please, just go away
And don't cry as I fade away

My eyes burn
With every places that I see
And every faces that I meet
Such excruciating pain I feel
As it defies the existence of me

My eyes burn
With every photograph
As it reminds me of our yesterday

My eyes burn
As you fade away
And now you're gone
My eyes are burned with hatred
And now I'm upside down

Take it all away
I won't be longing for you
Go away and be gone
And now you cry
As I let go

Starbucks Session series 3

Part 3 of 8 of the poems I made. 8 on the spot poems that day?!? I just can't believe that I made such stuff in just one sitting over a tall size of caffe latte.


Music Man

Hey music man!
Make a song for me
Make me a happy soul as you strum a note
Just don't leave tears in my eyes like the way you sing our song now

Keep me sane with you melody
Find a note that suits me
Just keep the song you made for you and me

Keep your song safe
As it's about you and me
Never change the tempo
Because I don't want to be left behind

Divert your anger with every bang of the drum
Don't mend your soul with a distorted sound
Amplify your senses with every riff of life
Just don't let your passion die on such an entropic sound

Hey music man!
Sing our song for eternity
As I grasp every words you exhale
with my deepest sincerity

Starbucks Session series 2

And this is part 2 of 8 of the poems I made at Starbucks Araneta Coliseum. I don't know if most poets are like this but I was just curious if they made a composition in a whole day. If they still edit it after they are done with it. I just find it odd for me to keep on writing non stop. Oh well here it goes.


The Dance of Ones and Zeroes

Here I am again
Waiting in vain for an answer
Such riddle kills my brain
As it diabolically eats up my soul
And I dance with ones and zeroes

In a drunken state of mind
What a predicament to be aggravated
Nothing is left of me
But pain and a never ending misery
And I dance with ones and zeroes

Such outburst I can't control
Mind over matter is so unexplainable
My justification she can't comprehend
And I was left in the middle of nowhere
I still dance with ones and zeroes

Starbucks Session series 1

As I said, here are my poems that I made when I was in Starbucks lat 07/22/2005. As I was waiting for my friend Anna and at the same time was too early at the meeting place, I just decided to do some on the spot poem. So here goes the first one.


Kwarto

Nandito ako sa aking kwarto
Maglilinis ng gamit na dala ay poot at galit
Mga kahapong di na mapagtanto
Dahil sa liwanag na di na maitamo nito<

Mga damit na dama ang pasakit
Mga panyo na tinuluan ng luha
Na puno ng pighati

Kailangan ko nang iwan ang kahapon
Sumulong kung saan man tutungo
Dala ko'y mga sugat na aking natamo

Mga ala-ala na nakatabi sa isang sulok
Puno ng alikabok dahil sa sobrang lungok
Mga litratong unti-unti kong inipon
Naka kahon na at parte na lang siya ng isang masayang kahapon

Kailangan ko nang lisanin ang kahapon
Bahala na kung saan ako patungo
Wag lang ulit sa kwarto kong kay lungkot

Remembering the Macro fever

I was remembering the what a nice Friday I had last week. (07/22/2005) One of the rare Fridays where I find myself a little bit ok and enjoying the day, No, it's not that I hate that day, but the fact that most of my Fridays ruins my weekend. Oh well I had a good one since I was so into the Macro feature in my digital camera. I knew about macro. But I never though that my camera is offering a mode called Super Macro where you can get as close as an inch away from your camera lens to your subject. Well it's the same as the Macro mode in most digital camera models but this one is different since it is not in the dial knob but just an additional feature. Golden rule: Read the freakin manual! So as I'm havin fun with my new discovery of the Super Macro mode, I was about to meet my friend Anna. Since I had a stressful week, I decided that seeing this friend of mine won't hurt and maybe watch a couple of movies. Main plan is to just have fun! As I was around 4 hours early of the said time that we'll meet, I decided to spent the next 4 hours at Starbucks and make some poems. And I did some poems. (I'll show them next time) I made 8 of them. 8 poems all of them on the spot in just a day. So I took a photo of my Journal - cum - Poetry notebook. And when Anna saw it, she liked it and even told me to upload it as a photo of my blog. Nice idea Anna! So here are the pics of the Flowers that I took in Super Macro mode and the said notebook I'm using right now as my photo for my blog.
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And by the way, Anna like the flowers I took. More reasons to continue photography! Yeah Boy!



I took this photo on my way to meet my friend Anna. I saw this beautiful flower at the other end of the Marunong St. where I live. (taken on 07/22/2005)


Another one I took inside the garden of Gateway mall in Cubao. As I was killing time since I arrived at our meeting place too early. 4 hours early to be exact. Well time to take some photos right?


Taken at Starbucks in Araneta Coliseum. As I was done with my 5Th poem and on my way to the 6Th one. As I was thinking  on what to right, I was just surprised with the way the pencil was over my journal. Then I just imagined the whole thing in Black and White. So I just took the camera took a shot and boom! A nice pic. Anna liked it. She even gave me the idea to use this photo for my blog. Nice!

I'm back!

Finally after more than a week of not having an internet connection. I'm back again to the digital world of blogging, archiving, and ranting! Too many things happened. I've met my friend Anna and watched the movie The Island. (It reminds me of Downtown LA which I miss so much!) Made 8 on the spot poems at Starbucks in Araneta Center since I was too early at the meeting place. Went home to Bulacan and spent the whole weekend there so I can have time with my "kababata" and also so I can detoxify myself with whatever I'm going through or so I thought. Just got back to Quezon City from Bulacan last Monday and went straight ahead to Marvin and talked to someone about certain things. A little bit jolted with the things going right now. Spent the night at Marvin's till the next day and went home around 4 pm already. As I arrived I saw the DSL modem and only one LED indicator where it says "Ready" was blinking solid green. Nice! Internet connection is back again. So I'm back from the grave! Or so I thought. Seesh. I just feel numb right now. More post tomorrow.

On a hiatus

I'm currently shutting down my blogs (Both my personal and art blogs) and also my phlog (My online portforlio) due to the fact that I'm experiencing technical problems with my DSL connection (Puta! Pati yung linya ng telepono ko di na gumagana! Bad trip! Ayusin niyo to Bayantel!) Currently as of now all drafts won't be publish in all blogs. I'll see you after my blog hibernation.

Photography Sessions at Gateway and 11th Avenue

Went to Marvin's to have some basketball session again. After that me, Marvin, and his brother Mark went to Ali Mall for some food tripping at Chowking. Went around Araneta Center that time and Marvin's brother knew that I'm into photography. (Marvin knew I've been doing this since I was in LA.) So while were passing the entrance of Gateway mall, Mark just suddenly blurted out, "Ang gandang kunan ng mga ilaw o!" Just my luck! I have my digital camera with me and took the chance of taking photos at the said entrance. I had a couple of shots made. One is in auto mode where the lights are stable and bright. I set my camera to my customized settings and made some slight movements and there you go. My photo turned to be a little blurry. (That's the catch there dodo!) Well, I took photos around the mall and I was just struck with the lights surrounding the Araneta center. Went home after that and I just started to take more photos. Marvin took some photos too. Never thought that he'll be that interested or he just want to take some photos. But then he told me that didn't know on how to operate the camera and he just showed me some of the photos he took. I was just surprised! If what he said was true, well all of the photos he took were awesome! Nice shots! And not bad for someone who don't know what he's doing with the camera. Well here are some samples since I'm almost going to reach my friendster photo upload quoata (which is 50).

At the entrance of Gateway mall Araneta Center, Cubao 07/16/05

At the entrance of Araneta Coliseum. I just love the light! Neon glow baby!

Infront of Araneta Coliseum. I was addicted with lights that night!

Taken by Marvin at 11Th Avenue, Cubao 07/17/05. Way to go Marv!

Taken again by Marvin. In Black and White plus the motion blur. Nicely done!

Artsy Fartsy

Well, back to my poems. Tama na muna ang drama sa buhay at medyo pumapangit na ang mga kulay nito (ng aking buhay that is!) oh well, here's something that will inspire me as I try to go on with my everyday shits.


Stand, Grip, amd Throw

Time stands still
As I'm in a abyssmal state of mind
Thinking how life is full of mysteries
As you walk your way through and discover each one of them

Such joy
Such love
Such pain
Such sadness

But life is all that something you dictate
It's not life who will dictate you
Such freedom you long for
And also the same freedom you abuse

You've failed
You've fallen apart
You've felt such binding agony
And the scars that stays for a lifetime

But there is one thing that keeps you holding on
The reality that you will always be you
No world can change that, no realm can define who you are...
Only you
And you stand, grip, and throw

Fell free to fall, and stand up after that
Fell the pain, and love the things around you
Risk is such an unwilling word, but it is for you to take
Feel free to roam wherever you want to be
Just stand, grip, and throw

Embrace your life, not the life of others
You just share it with them, but never give it to them
Stand still, believe what you believe in
Fight for who you are, let your existence be known
Embrace your life, as it is you alone who can see the reality of it

Stand for yourself...
Grip to the reality about you...
And throw everything you doubt and fear...
Just stand, grip, and throw

8 Months of total bliss

Oh well. Another on the spot poem shit. So bahala na. Kayo na lang ang humusga. I just feel a bit loosen up outside, but a bit tighter inside. Asus! Labows....

Sands of Time

Holding still as I grip into the unknown
Roamed everywhere to find for something I've been longing for
Still I suffer as my world is covered in darkness
And only the sands of time will know
When this story will end

I've tried to stand over and over again
But I keep on sinking
As I'm traped in such a situation
Where it's either I let go
Or choose death
And only the sands of time will know
The answer to all of my questions

Why am I feeling such pain?
Why am I feel so tormented with ever memory that clings to my soul
As it sucks out every integrity left in me
Such binding agony I bear in me
And only the sands of time will know
When this tragedy will end

Under the effect of blankness

I tried to force myself to made a poem again. It's been 2 days since I feel my brain doesn't process any logic for me. Oh well, these are the days when I totally suck. I can't upload pictures now since I've already reached the quota. I'd rather make another poem. When I was finished at the poem, I just find it to suck big time! Oh well, some poets sucks at some of their works aren't they? So here's sucky poem now.

My Bad

For all the shit I do
Sorry but my bad
For all of my mistakes
Sorry but my bad
For all the things I gamble
Sorry but my bad

Ah! Such life is a game
You win it fair and square
But losing it is so unfair
But sorry, my bad

All actions I'm willing to risk
Such risk I'm willing to take
Now it's too late to change
And all I blame is myself

But my bad
This is me, and me can't change
All that I'll ever be, will always be me

My bad for everything you think is wrong
But seems right for me

My bad if our world collides
Reality is there was a thin line between you and me
That each of us cannot cross
We just need to respect it and understand it
But my bad I never explained it to you

Just my bad for all...

Totally Blank Part II

These are the times when my mind is totally blank. Nothing comes into my mind. Nothing registers. I can't comprehend. I tend to type the things in my head right now. But believe me. I have no idea where this post is going. I mean, I just have no idea on how to control my impulsiveness whenever I feel blank. Or does my mind really feel blank at all? Or am I just exaggerating things to the point that my mind is not really blank but too many things are in my head that I'm denying myself that more and more thoughts and emotions are passing through me that it made me fall around my world? See, I told you my mind is blank. Pffft!

Totally Blank

I just don't feel like doing anything today. Even if I do, I won't be able to remember it since my mind is not in it's usual self. I'm totally blank. Ganito o .....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Plaigarism if that's what you think!

I made another on the spot poem. This time I was all bored out of editing my old poems I made years ago. Where the ones I made are completely out of the way. I mean the poem is a total mess. No heart in it. So I'd rather made a new one than spend the day editing it. Well as I was making this on the spot poem thing I was just inspired by Wolfgang's She is My Cain song coming from their Acoustica Album. (Released last 2001) Ok, I'm gonna admit that some lines came from the song but then I don't think this is a plagarism. Well since I made the 95% of the lines here. You be the judge. Here's the poem.


She is My Cain

She is my life
She if my love
She is my hope
She is my world
Her domain where I can be whoever I want to be

I can't explain
It is so plain
She is my Cain

She is my light
She is my sanctuary
She is my day and night
She is my eyes
Her view is such a blissful sight

I can't explain
So unreal, so unexplainable
She is my Cain

She is my fervor
She is my bliss
She is my plush
She is my lust
Everything I need is in her, but everything she needs, is not in me

I can't explain
Why my life is mysteriously blurry
And she is my Cain

She is my vain
She is my pain
She is my scar
She is my fear
I was betrayed by my blindness and foolishness. I want it to end

Now I know
What she means to me
She is my Cain

Claret and Quezon Memorial Circle adventures

Got nothing to the whole day. So I planned to go out and take some photos, instead of to brood myself here in my room the whole day. I always want to go to Quiapo or those urban slums but I'm too chickened out to bring my digital camera there. So I'm stuck walking within the vicinity of Claret church and the Quezon Memorial Circle. Here are the samples.

All were taken at Claret church.



All were taken at Quezon Memorial Circle.

Nothing to do...

This are the times when your mind is blank. As in totally not thinking of anything or nothing is coming in or out of it. Maybe it's just because I was thinking too much already. Damn! It's been weeks or two that I've been thinking about this. We should talk, yes we should. I'll say my side and she should clear hers, coz definitely, I'm so mad at this set up now. But enough of that. I should be doing this in my personal blog (which I haven't updated for a long time now). Anyways, since I'm not doing anything I'd rather post something I got in the Bulletin board a while ago. Again, just blurting out.


1. Who are you with right now?
-- None. Just alone, here in my room.

2. What are you doing right now?
-- Posting my blogs, sound trip

3. What will you do after?
-- Go to my bed. Take my medicine since I still feel sick!

4. What are you thinking right now?
-- Should I stay or should I go?


5. What are you wearing now?
-- Shorts. Only shorts.


6. How do you feel right now?
-- Definitely not OK, Most probably confuse.

7. Why?
-- Cuz of some problems that seems to be solved and should be forgotten but are happening again.

8. Chocolate or
Vanilla Ice Cream?
-- Vanilla.

9. Sponge Bob or Mojacko?
-- Spongebob.

10. Enchanted Kingdom or Splash Island?
-- Enchanted Kingdom.

11. SMS
or talking on the phone?
-- Talking on the phone.

12. McDo or Jollibee?
-- Both!

13. Coffee or Milk?
- Coffee to wake me up, Milk for my cereals!

14. Sports:
-- Basketball and bowling.

15. Color(s):
-- Blue, yellow, green, and pink

16. Number(s):
- 2, 3, 21, and 23.

17. Food:
- Any variants of sisig and pizza, and Sinampalukang Manok.

18. Drink(s):
-- Iced tea, and anything from Kool-Aid.

19. Radio Station:
-- 89.9, 93.1, 107.5

20. Cartoon
Character:
-- Blastoise from Pokemon

21. Name of last
person you talked to on the phone?
-- Can't remember

22. Have you gone swimming this
year?
-- Nope, not yet.

23. When did you last receive a gift?
-- My birthday. I got the Tremulant EP of The Mars Volta from my cousin Chuck.

24. What are you planning to do this weekend?
-- None, just take a rest and brood myself in my room. Hopefully I can watch UAAP on Sunday.

25. Last movie you watched?
-- Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith with Marvs

26. What is/are your hobby/hobbies?
-- Music, collecting CDs, photography, poetry, anything about computers and electronic gadgets.

27. What is/are your ambition(s)?
-- Learn more about photography, be a photographer, study photography at New York, have my own business about multi-media arts from poetry, photography, to film making.


28. What makes you happy?
-- Taking photos, writing poems. These 2 fills the void in me. It keeps me sane.

29. What do you want to tell to someone but you haven't?
-- I don't like the way you're treating me now!


30. Do you have a crush?
-- Yep! Jessica Alba.

31. Do you believe in love?
-- uhuh...

32. Are you easily attracted to the opposite sex?
-- Not really.

33. Do you get jealous easily?
-- yes, very easily but I get jealous with a reason, not just gut feeling.

34. Any people in-love with you right now?
-- Before yes, now, that I do not know. sob....

35. Want to get married?
-- who wouldn't?

36. Ever did something unusual for love?
-- yes

37. What do you notice first in a person?
-- what he/she wearing.

38. Last person you fell in-love with or currently in love with?
-- Someone with a name that starts with a T.

39. Are you missing someone right now?
-- Heck yeah! I miss my usual self. Only my usual self and nobody else!

40. What do you miss?
-- My usual self.

41. Who do you want to hug right now?
-- just myself again.

42. Persons you want to spend the rest of your life?
-- If ever she's reading this: I love you dearly. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. But the way things are going on between the two of us, it seems like you're fading away. I'm thinking of you but are you thinking of me? I'm trying to hold on as much as I can, even exceed my limit. But the way things are going on right now, I'm suddenly slipping away as you're fading away to me. I gave everything to you not expecting something in return, but just simply for you to love me back. Now everything seems to be in the dark. It's time for me to leave something for myself. I did everything I can to please you and I love you more than anyone else. I just wish that you'll be here with me, till my last breath. I just hope.... I just wish.... I just pray....

The void in me

As I was updating my Phlog, I was looking at my archive of photos and I just can't believe that I already have 1,221 photos in my archives (almost 1,000 since March of 2005 using my own digital camera)! And I saw some pics that I took, and it made me feel a certain void in me. It misses me something. here are the pics and the corressponding thing that I'm craving or missing so much right at this very moment:

The Motorola RAZR V3. The phone I've been drooling for!
My Adidas Superstar sneakers. I left it in Los Angeles since my baggages are overweight!
Ocean Ave in Santa Monica. Just across of this avenue is the beach. I just love this place and the view of the sunset is oh so nice! So solemn, so peaceful.
My sis b-day last June 9, 2005. It reminds me of birthday parties. I just miss attending b-day parties and have good time with friends and ofcourse make new friends!
The seafood resturant at San Pedro harbor at California. I just love the seafoods there! And the way they cooked it: butter with spices and veggies! YUMMY!
Spongebob Squarepants! I bought this one in Universal Studios in Hollywood, CA. I even got to versions of this. I just miss California.
Bamboo's album launch at the Megastrip. Just miss the gimik days with friends. Damn how many gigs did I just let go? I even missed Fete dela Musique!
My friendship anklets. My team mates/friends gave this to me. It's been more than a year now since I have them, and I'm not gonna remove them. I just miss my office mates! My friends!

I just hate it when there's a void in me.

Bittersweet Symphony

One of the poems I kept for years. I made this around March of 2004. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just writing poems for the
excitement of making one, or maybe because I'm suddenly inspired to make one,
or maybe as an outlet of my emotions. Whatever reasons I have, all I know is
that there's a certain feeling of emptiness that fades away. I feel my soul
rejuvenates every time I take a photo or make a poem. And for this specific
poem I made last year, it made me think that life is really a bittersweet
symphony. And yes, I will embrace and explore more about the artistic side in
me.



Bittersweet Symphony

I'm the maestro
My life is my opus
I compose every notes that comes out of it
I set the tempo
I set the mood
Every pace of my life is my own choice
But life is such a bittersweet
But I just have to let it flow

I'm the soprano
I'm the tenor
I sing my life to everyone
Play my masterpiece as if it's my last
But no one watches me, I play my opus alone
And life's a bittersweet
And sometimes I just can't let it go

I missed some notes
I made mistakes in every piece I made
But as time passes by
I adhere myself to reality
Though life is a bittersweet
It is my symphony I have to play
I must play it on my own, even if I'm alone
Even if nobody is watching, I must play it on my own
Life is a bittersweet symphony
I let the melody shine, as it cleanse my mind
As it made me feel free now

Life is a bittersweet symphony
I just let it play and go on
Until my last breath
Until I can say this is my "magnum opus"

Suicidal Tendencies

This song is the 2nd song that I've been playing, also for the nTh time. This song just zaps me back to reality and give me a better view of life. Not just as if giving up the fight, but it gives also something to hold more into. Something that is most dear to me, myself.


Soul Searching by Urbandub


Say a prayer for me
I need a new life
I'm not blind cuz I see the truth and lies.
Heed my words
Listen to advice
You don't need to run away and take your life.
No, can't live this way...

So you go for miles and miles
And miles and miles and miles
Destination nowhere
No means or how,
Saw you go for miles and miles
Soul searching, soul searching for how?

Just take a look around
At the faces that you meet
Everybody's got their own pains like you and me
Never fall away...

So you go for miles and miles
And miles and miles and miles
Destination nowhere
No means or how,
Saw you go for miles and miles
Soul searching, soul searching

Whatever you do choose life
The thoughts on you mind choose life
Wherever you go choose life
Choose life.

So you go for miles and miles
Destination nowhere
No means or how,
Saw you go for miles and miles
Soul searching, soul searching for how?