Frustations leads to depression

It's another ordinary day for me. After the Santa Monica beach adventures, here I am in front of the computer, just waiting for some ideas to come out of my mind and post it here. As I try to go back to the time when I was working, and until now my back still gives me a hell of pain. It just makes me think what will I have when if I'm still working in that filthy warehouse in Downtown LA. Maybe accessories for my new digital camera and my MP3 player, books that I've been drooling to read, some spawn action figures (Todd McFarlane really amazes me with his work), and most of all the bilins my friends told me. I haven't bought any of them. Well I already did before but I need to return them for refund since my mom needs the money badly (for some reasons I don't wanna go deep into). It just frustrates me now that I can't have the money I need to buy them all again. Heck! I even canceled the order for my Motorola RAZR V3 which I've been really drooling for since last year. It all boils down now to frustration. As I try to think about this things, I just can't help and ask myself "Am I such a failure?" Yeah, well I may sound way too off myself, but I just can't help to think and ask myself that question. In a certain way it made me so frustrated now. I feel so helpless and low. I just wish that I didn't went here in the first place. Failing myself is OK, but failing other people especially my friends is another. Oh! I just wish I can just go on and find a resolution to this. If there's someone or something to blame here, it'll be the fuckin life here. Such reality no other will see. As the saying goes, "You have to see it to believe it." i just hate how life is so different here. Making sacrifices for the sake of others. In my case, sacrificing my dreams for the sake of me. No more DVDs, no more gaming PC with an ATI Radeon X850 Platinun Edition, no more PS2, Xbox, Game Cube, and the Nintendo DS. And what about the PSP? Argh! I just hate it. Thinking about this makes me feel like I'm not enjoying my stay here. I just wish I'm back home.

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My Tito June called and has told me that we'll take a walk around Beverly Hills and Nike Town tomorrow. Now that's some consolation for me.